So this morning was quite an interesting start to the day. I didn’t get up at my usual 5:15 am wake up alarm and that was not a good start to the day. Here’s the thing, that is no ones fault but my own. I must admit if my child wakes me up before I am able to have time with My Savior and my Coffee, i am a Grouchy person.
So this morning I am not totally sure how i slept through it, but I sure did. He woke up at 5:58 a.m and I woke up at 5:56. Waking up with no time to myself coupled with the fact that the day before was a rough one was a bad idea.
My toddler’s very first Dentist visit was today and I have to be honest “I” was a tad nervous about it. I wasn’t nervous about the appointment for me, but for him. He was immediately clingy and whiney when we got there. To be honest I had to text my Husband to pray for me because I was a bit on the edge of my seat. There were so many un-knowns and my child was already in a mood. To be fair his moody-ness was a bit of he didn’t know what was about to happen, he was in a new place, and his Mommy was in a mood herself!
It ended going way better than i expected, and I just thank God. I thank my Husband and my sister in law for praying for me this morning as well!
Minor Irritations
When you are having a bad attitude, a bad mood, or just an irritation that you can’t seem to pin-point ask for help. Admittedly asking for help is just not my Jam. I mean I’m just so used to doing things to get myself out of a funk. I’m not even excited about typing this fact out right this very second.
I feel God is calling me to be more transparent, more honest with myself, and with those around me. When your history dictates that you just pull up your pants, and move forward, and just suck it up that’s what you come to rely on. My past caused me to rely on myself.
Tempted by my past
That’s the way I have been for a VERY long time, and i still have to fight that temptation. The temptation is to be so independant that I don’t tell any one when I’m carrying a heavy load. I don’t relish the thought of humbling myself in order to ask for help.
What the Lord is really teaching me is that there are people around me that HE has placed in my life. There is a scripture that speaks of a man that is “alone when he falls,” two are better than one, there is a brother that sticks closer than a friend. etc
These scriptures are easy to read, buy not necessarily easy to apply and walk in. I don’t have a history that is filled with people that were dependable or that I could trust very much. Well, not at all if i’m honest. After coming to Christ this was one of the areas in my heart that God really had to soften.
God softened the hard areas of my heart but those memories of the pain that caused them still linger on.
It’s hard to be vulnerable
It is sometimes a fight to just be vulnerable and open even with those closest to me. I don’t want to put them in a position where I have to trust them. I don’t want them to reinforce the old hurts that still tempt me to give into rebuilding old calluses.
There is so much to be said of trusting Jesus. We all have to trust him in different areas. It’s really tough and it’s impossible to do with out him. This may seem like a trivial example to some, it felt that way to me at first also. But over the years I have learned that small irritations that can’t be shaken may stem from a deeper place.
I believe there is someone out there like me who have a difficult time being vulnerable. The thought of leaning on other people for anything (even the small things) is a challenge. It’s easier to just move on with how you feel, and just deal with it alone. Putting anyone in a place that requires that you trust them brings no comfort to you At All! I totally relate to that!
The role of relationships
This is a journey I am still currently on, and I know the Lord has brought me very far. I’m still tempted in this area, and I have good and bad days with it. Even with God it is sometimes hard for me to be vulnerable with him. Which logically sounds ridiculous. He knows everything yet I hold back [even] with the Lord sometimes.
Our relationships with other people show us a lot about what’s in our hearts. Whether we recognize it as such or not. A scripture that God has shown me [several times to be honest] is Proverbs 18:1
“One who isolates himself pursues selfish desires; he rebels against all sound wisdom.” CSB
When I first read this scripture i read it as it was. It didn’t sink that deeply into my heart or my mind. However, now it speaks to me. The part that says “isolates himself” I can relate to, if i am bothered by something I just shut people out. It also says that this person “pursues selfish desires.” I don’t know if you can relate but when I close myself off to people i’m literally doing what I want to do. That just might fall into the whole “pursues selfish desires category”
God totally understands
There is so much Grace in our Lord Jesus though because he knows how we feel. He also knows when we are feeling it! One of the scriptures that I love when I feel like I am misunderstood, or not understood at all is found in Hebrews:
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way as we are, yet without sin.” – Hebrews 4:15 CSB
Christ is literally able to sympathize with us, HE can and does relate to any state we are in. It’s also clear that Jesus had temptations but He never sinned. Our hurts can sometimes cause us to hurt other people whether directly, or indirectly.
However, your day started off and whatever you are going through right now. Lean on Jesus and ask for prayer. Asking does not mean you are weak, but it does allow Christ to help us in our weaknesses. None of us is perfect and we all have areas that are difficult for us to deal with alone. I love the reminder that He will never leave or forsake us. Jesus is that friend that sticks closer than a brother, our Savior and our confidence.
Those small areas of your heart that need a touch are out of the sight of others but clearly seen by God.
Lean on Christ today in your weaknesses, and with whatever you may be struggling with.
He is able
Amen
If this is your first time on the Blog thanks so much for stopping by. If you want to know a bit more about Style and Stewardship you can check out the About Page, all Blog Posts Here, Connect with me on Instagram, Subscribe to the Podcast, and Subscribe to my YouTube Channel.
Leave a Reply